It's no secret that our oldest child has special needs which include: ADHD (attention deficient hyperactivity disorder), ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), PDD (pervasive developmental disorder), ID (intellectual disability), a processing disorder, and epilepsy. The epilepsy is well-controlled with medication, which ironically can cause or exacerbate behavior problems. It's also not a secret that Fred has a very gentle spirit and generous heart; he has always been great around younger children and loves to be helpful.
After being told for several years that he would 'catch up' academically and socially, while watching him struggle and fall farther and farther behind his peers, we sought expert advice. With the assistance of doctors and an attorney we worked with the school district to find a more appropriate educational situation. Translation: We spent a lot of time and money to research, track and document performance of the school, meet with professionals and the school personnel, submit paperwork for state and federal complaints, meet with the school district some more, visit the options the district was willing to offer, and eventually - after nine months of rabbit-trailing - file a petition for a due process hearing. Amazingly, once the district realized we were not backing down, we were offered placement in an excellent out-of-district educational program for which the district would foot the bill.
We are half-way through the first full year at this school, and the honeymoon appears to be ending. Up until recently, the comments from and conversations with the teachers at this new school have been very similar to what we have experienced in the public schools. Teachers seem very taken with Fred's sweet little boy looks and innocent disposition; these characteristics have helped him get shuffled along and excused from some consequences that he deserved and needed to experience.
Just last week the teacher sent an e-mail, as she does most days (the consistent contact is a source of satisfaction for me and a source of frustration for Fred), to explain a new procedure they had begun to use in the classroom. Apparently there are instances when my son does not want to complete - or even begin - certain assignments; he claims to be too tired or have a headache when the task presents a challenge. No surprise there, why do you think we fought for this placement. In the public school there were times when he was given answers for assignments and tests because he claimed he couldn't do the work. The new procedure includes allowing Fred to choose whether or not he wants to do the assignment with the class or wants to wait, and then he may tell the teacher when he's ready to work.
What? Seriously? My child is deciding whether or not or when he'll do the assigned classwork? We're not talking about allowing 'wait time' for him to process; we are talking about a belligerent and bossy attitude. I understand and appreciate the concept of the IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) when it is utilized, but it is not up to the student to set the tone and expectations. Unfortunately, Fred has learned how to manipulate - when to turn on the charm, or the victim mentality, or use health concerns to work in his favor. For a young man who on paper appears to be quite delayed, he certainly has mastered the art of using his disabilities as an excuse and crutch which is something we do not allow to happen at home. Not for this child or any others.
Together, Fred and I read and discussed the e-mail from the teacher. I explained that if he was given the luxury of waiting until he was ready, then I would also take that attitude - I will fix dinner... when I'm ready; I'll check your homework... when I'm ready; I'll pack your lunch... when I'm ready; I'll do your laundry... when I'm ready. Then it hit home for him and he seemed to grasp the selfishness in this method of doing things.
He's a kid with common sense and a great memory - don't ever challenge him to a game of Pictureka or I Spy. He's been taught and knows right from wrong. He's like any other kid trying to make life easier by taking short cuts, and he's got more crutches than most. Slowly and surely he's getting it, this thing of living life with others. I think he's more ready than he knows.
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