The phone call did not provide the expected or anticipated information; it fell flat and was a bit disappointing. But more than that, it left a lingering feeling of unease that all was not right, will not be right.
Anticipating the placement of a foster child into a possible adoptive family is: exciting, terrifying, nerve-wracking, anxiety-invoking, promise-filled... that includes some of the thoughts and emotions of the adults involved. Imagine how the child must feel, think, and react to all this exciting uncertainty.
Our family has walked with a half-dozen children through this process; most times it has been very successful. Heart-breakingly there have been mismatches, failed attempts, more trauma. If only there were a way to know, to see, to predict, to make perfect a situation in which we have no control. We have no power to decide how the child will try to fit into, test the limits of, or adjust to a new environment. Nor do we have any say in how the family will respond to the behavior choices of the child. Agencies and professionals are in place to do preparation and briefing, to assess the connection and commitment, and to give informed, unbiased, wise advice and guidance.
It reminds me of a phone call from one of the case workers who was working on matching a child with a possible adoptive family. After meeting with the child, the family indicated an interest in pursuing adoption and so was given the opportunity to have the child visit for the weekend. From experience (since we were in a similar situation with Sierra) I can remember the thrill of knowing that the child you long to have with you forever is one step closer, is able to stay in the house that hopefully will one day be the child's home, to be able to tuck the child into bed at night and be there when he or she wakes up. However, this phone call did not relay that those were the thoughts this pre-adoptive family was having.
Instead of asking how early the child could be picked up or how late the drop off could be, there were questions about whether a one-night visit would work for us since that would work best with the family's schedule. To me, and my totally biased and protective way of thinking, they were not sold on the idea of adoption, or at least had not come to understand it fully. If they were not interested in, able to, or willing to make adjustments to their schedule for one weekend to visit with a child they desired to be their very own, then how would they ever accommodate the many changes in the family schedule, in the home structure, in their ways of thinking that the adoption of this little one would require? And since our family had made the necessary initial and on-going adjustments, we knew that it would require a shift for this family as well.
So the feeling of unease and doubt about this match planted itself in my head and heart. This child, our child, was not some information, some child profile, something to try out to see if it would work; this was a life that deserved the very best. Our only hope is in knowing that as much as we cared for this child, the all-knowing God who we serve and who loves us has the life of that child - and all these children - as His first and best interest.
No comments:
Post a Comment