Being the parent of a teenager is not for the faint of heart. Hormones race, moods swing, opinions strengthen, attitudes increase. I love my two teenage sons. Neither of them is 'typical', but they are both lovable, and sometimes even likable.
Our older son is chronologically sixteen years old. Academically, he can be instructed at the level of a second grader - a seven year old. Emotionally, he rides a roller coaster between feeling those sixteen year old hormones and acting on them in ways that appear to be much younger; fighting for independence, yet unsure of what to do with even the slightest bit of it.
Recently our family went out to dinner. Four of them read the menu, discussed some options (Evan wanted to order the $30 shrimp platter - that was a short discussion), decided on an item, and were able to communicate their choices to the server. Our oldest child could not, or refused to, participate in any of those interactions.
When the meals were delivered, each child - including the one for whom we had ordered (a favorite meal of his) - set to work using acceptable table manners and appropriate we-are-eating-in-a-restaurant-with-other-people-who-are-trying-to-enjoy-their-dinner-too voices and conversation. It was a nice time: no one kicking anyone else under the table, or swiping a neighbor's napkin, or dropping forks on the floor.
With Sierra by my side, I was pleasantly surprised at how well she handled her giant chocolate pancake completely saturated with two packets of syrup. It was equally pleasing that she and Samara could sit by each other without morphing into the typical mealtime bickering session regarding who had more soda left in her cup or who was going to get the last dinner roll.
Samara recently had an expander installed in her mouth by the orthodontist - a contraption which makes it challenging to speak clearly and eat in the usual way. She has done a wonderful job of adapting, but it does take her longer to finish a meal. So I was kind of keeping tabs on how she was progressing, and at some point glanced around the table to ascertain how everyone was doing.
When my visual sweep came to rest on my oldest child, I noticed that a few french fries and only a few bites of the grilled cheese sandwich had been consumed; this was at a point where the other kids were trading back-and-forth for the extra fries and applesauce that hadn't been finished. So I calmly said to my son, "Please pick up your sandwich and take a bite." This request did not have the expected result; instead I received a glassy stare of defiance. Stan, who was sitting next to this child, repeated the request and then removed all other food, save the partially eaten sandwich, from this child's plate - explaining the situation as he did so.
We continued on with our meal since we have learned that teenagers DO NOT like to be told what to do even once, so we left it alone.
At the point in the meal where the under-the-table kicking ensues, we know that it is time to start packing it up. And there sat my son with the same amount of sandwich on his plate. I made a request similar to the previous one. This time the answer, "Mommy, I don't want it!" was shouted so loud that all the diners in our section of the restaurant turned toward our table in alarm, and all four siblings immediately ducked their heads as if to hide inside themselves.
Reigning in my frustration over the embarrassment that had been caused, I slowly left my seat, walked around the table to my son, took him by the arm with one hand and scooped up the sandwich with the other. We made our way, with as much dignity as possible, through the maze of tables filled with curious patrons. Once outside, I explained to him what had happened and how it had affected everyone there. Then he needed to explain it back to me.
The point of this post is not to cause embarrassment or elicit pity for my son or our family. But since I did not take the opportunity to explain our situation to those people who witnessed it - as sometimes I think I should or could to give a glimpse into what a less than typical family looks like - I appreciate being able to explain it here and hope that it gives a clearer understanding of our family and others like us.
