This morning I attended an IEP meeting for Eli. In second grade Eli was tested for and labeled as 'gifted' and so the school district is required to provide him with FAPE (free and appropriate public education) and to develop an IEP (individualized educational plan) each year.
Unlike IEP meetings at the other end of the spectrum, in which we have moderate-to-intense experience, the GIEP (G=gifted) meetings are usually very pleasant and refreshingly brief. Input and ideas from the parents and student are welcomed - just this morning we were brain-storming about fitting in an independent study block, something which we stumbled upon quite by accident in an off-handed comment, but which could be an exciting opportunity for Eli. Compliments regarding work ethic and good grades abound, and glowing comments are offered about his up-standing character. As a mom it feels really good to sit in those meetings, and it feels kind of awkward, too.
On the day in the fall of 2006 when we were told of Eli's 'gifted' label, I was at the elementary school for an IEP meeting for another one of our children; a 'typical' IEP meeting, the less-pleasant and longer variety in which input and ideas from parents are not as welcome because it usually means changes and potentially more work for the educators. There are also usually less positive comments about grades, work habits, and behavior.
As I was standing in the hallway that afternoon, waiting for the meeting to begin, the teacher who had administered the test to Eli walked by and told me the test results, explained what would happen next, and then congratulated me. During our conversation the teacher with whom I was to meet arrived, and as we entered the room she also congratulated me as did the guidance counselor who was also involved with the meeting.
I remember feeling awkward that day. While some of strange feeling was due to knowing that we'd now have to learn to navigate our way through gifted education - and I remember thinking that, that I felt very inadequate and ignorant about how do go about this new venture - as time went on, that feeling had more to do with the words of congratulations that day.
Of our five 'permanent' children, all of them have some level of intervention at school for health reasons, behavior concerns, and academic issues. Of the twenty or so school-aged children who have been placed in our home, only a few have not had some type of 'extra' services. And of all those kids and all those services which require all those meetings, only once did anyone ever congratulate me.
Eli cannot help being academically gifted any more than Evan cannot help being a terrible speller but a good friend, or than Samara can help having asthma and a nurturing spirit, than Sierra can help that she struggles with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and is reading well above her grade level. None of these things have anything to do with me, the mom. Why congratulate me for who my kids were created to be?
It feels awkward that the school system attributes my sons' and daughters' accomplishments to me. I don't know how to respond to the congratulations. I don't know if I am supposed to point out that my child is not perfect, or that I have other equally amazing kids. Or maybe I am just supposed to smile on the outside and on the inside ask, "For what?"
