Today was a snow day. There were kids playing outside, families enjoying time together, relaxing, cozy, warm and fuzzy.
Then there was our house.
Warm and fuzzy, happy and positive days are at a premium. Kids who need consistency and lots of support to regulate don't do well with snow days. We operate under the premise that routine is our friend; unexpected changes are not.
Last night, in anticipation of a snow day, I didn't sleep well. Thoughts of what time the younger kids might get up and make "all that noise" and wake up the teenagers, and worries about whether I would be awake before that happened; grandiose ideas of activities we might try, trouble-shooting for the unavoidable sabotage; plans of games, and stories, and movies... and how to navigate the bickering and arguing that would be guaranteed.
I am almost proud to say I wasn't too much off the mark, and that, therefore; my sleep deprivation was not in vain.
With one meltdown before breakfast - or what should have been breakfast but ended up being a stand-off of wills between me and one of them - the younger ones were able to move ahead with their day before most of the teenagers were rudely awakened. Upon completing the required daily twenty minutes of reading - YES, EVEN ON A SNOW DAY! - and the requisite pouting that accompanied it, the child with video game privileges enjoyed a hour of screen time. Two siblings desperate for that opportunity (because yes, even on a snow day the consequences stick) looked on longingly, offering unsolicited comments and advice. After repeated requests and reminders to move away from the television, three of them found a way to entertain themselves AND elicit the sought after attention. These kids are multi-taskers all day long!
About that time the teenager who lost phone privileges for twenty-four hours, wandered into the kitchen to scrounge some breakfast and badger me about the phone. Following a brief conversation, that child found somewhere to be away from the fray; only to appear soon after to vie for a turn with the television - to watch something on Netflix that was not rated for younger viewers. Somehow that became my problem since the phone was not available - which was also my fault.
In between there was an accusation of "somebody touching my stuff on the top shelf in the bathroom" and a missing item. A real life game of Clue ensued. There were tears and denials, shouting and finger-pointing; and an hour later there were still four culprits and one disgusted victim.
Then lunch. Leftovers. Seems simple enough. But there are kids who are keenly aware of how much food is on each person's plate. And when there are so many variations on plates - it's much easier when everyone has one hotdog, a handful of chips, and a scoop of baked beans - there's tension around the table. It's not a cozy, snowed-in kind of scene.
Several of them asked to play outside. One of them is allowed to be outside without supervision, but of course wants someone to play with. In the process of gathering outdoor clothing and figuring out who could come out with my supervision, there came a revelation of the missing item from our earlier Clue game. One of the four suspects had found the item in the bedroom of one of the other suspects. Plot twist. Why would that child have been in someone else's bedroom when we strictly adhere to the stay-out-of-other-people's-rooms guideline? Oh, they were standing in the doorway and saw the item. Then why not come and get me to show me what you saw? Oh, you were afraid the other child would move it before I got there. Why do you have a way to rationalize every question?
So... we never did get outside. Well, the one that was allowed out without me was... for about two minutes.
Someone has a math test tomorrow. Stan worked from home today, in the coziness of our bedroom, just him and his laptop. Sounds blissful. Anyway, he and I have an unspoken agreement that he helps with math homework and I help with reading and english. Stan invited the math student to sit with him (as he worked) to review for the test. I'm not sure, but from the amount of fussing and pouting, the child may have also had to hand over his right hand and a kidney. We have several children who do not do well when held responsible. There is always someone else to blame, or something to throw at my head, instead of taking ownership.
Our working teenager went to work this afternoon. I was nervous. The driveway was a mess with the possibility of the road not being much safer. For a few hours I hoped for a reassuring text, but was able to relax when they walked back in the door for dinner.
Which was late getting on the table because the assigned table-setting kid was busy pestering a younger sibling. And by this time in the day I was done putting myself in the middle of arguments and done settling squabbles. And good golly, only ten minutes later when the table-setter saw me sitting with my feet up, they hopped right to it.
The timing of dinner isn't usually an issue. But tonight one of the kids had earned a bedtime that was forty minutes early based on their level of cooperation last night. So even on a snow day, when we had done basically nothing all day and this child was "not even tired," we needed to get through dinner to get to bed. Since I've been writing, another one of the kids has come to tell me that the early bedtime kid has been in and out of bed for the past half-hour. That's okay, there's always tomorrow night to try again with the early bedtime.
This is how it is. How we have found it needs to be. The best way we know how to help our kids find stability and regulation.
There are a few more to get to bed and then this snow day is history. There is hope that we will all sleep a bit sweeter tonight because in and around all of the busyness and blessings of today, all of the kids granted my request that they each wash their bedding.
Another day finished.
