Seating Arrangements

I was in church and I was jealous. All around me were families, families sitting together, with the mom and dad sitting right next to each other. I was jealous.

Whether our family is headed to church or a restaurant, planning our seating arrangement is an important step in the preparations. There are certain combinations of kids that are obvious mismatches and almost always result in disaster.

For example: our Instigator cannot sit next to either of his sisters as he is a master at undercover poking, nudging, and teasing. For a neighbor, Loud Sister is the worse choice as she is especially adept at tattling without tattling - you know, just loudly complaining about her brother's behavior. Bossy Sister is also not a good move as she will attempt to correct her brother's behaviors and then pout to get the attention of everyone seated around us (because she's also the Attention Seeking Sister).

Loud Sister cannot be seated next to (in church) or across from (in a restaurant) her oldest brother because she becomes concerned and distracted with his behaviors that can (and most often do) encroach on her physical space - imagine repeated yawning and stretching.

The two girls cannot be blamed for being a poor combination; after all, what two ladies don't automatically fall into a chat fest - those girls can talk about everything and nothing - which in this case, more often than not, results in some sort of bossing and bickering (if this happens at home they are quickly dismissed to their bedroom to complete the argument.) So in church they are seated separately, but in other situations where conversation is appropriate behavior, they are usually wonderful seat-mates.

Yawning-Stretching Brother is usually very quiet in church-like situations, but does need to be next to mom or dad. As mentioned, he cannot be next to Littlest Sister, and also does not do well when sitting beside Attention-Seeking Brother as he knows exactly how to get his older brother to giggle, snort, or verbally protest (not discreetly). Yawning-Stretching Brother often serves as a buffer between Attention-Seeking Sister and the Instigator.

For obvious reasons, Attention-Seeking Sister and Attention-Seeking Brother are never seated next to or across from each other. The issue is compounded by the fact that this sister seems to almost worship this brother; trying to get his attention by any possible means: giving compliments, teasing, kicking under the table. And should she be corrected for her behavior, that just gives her another reason to seek more attention by pouting and turning on the tears - mom and dad are just so mean and unfair.

We do have Buffer Brother who is able to be seated beside or across from anyone. But Buffer Brother, because he has such a heightened sense of his surroundings and how his siblings' behaviors might impact others in the situation, tends also to be very uptight. He easily falls into a mode of trying to right everyone's wrongs. So sometimes we need to think about where his buffering abilities are best used; often it's beside Loud Sister as she will sometimes respond better to her brother than to mom and dad.

As we pull into the church parking lot and unload every Sunday morning, Stan and I have an unspoken conversation; he can read my face. Silently we decide who needs to sit next to him because I just can't, usually one of the girls; they cannot sit together anyway. The boys' postitions shake out as we find our seats and we all settle in. We've had people comment on how our family sits so nicely together, and that's good to hear because then we know that all that behind the scenes work on our seating arrangements has paid off!