Is it just me?

My kids are their own people. My kids are not little adults. My kids know the difference between right and wrong, between expected and unexpected behavior. My kids have heard the speech about wearing the 'Heisey' name.

All these statements are true and all play out in various ways many times a day; some that I see and most of which I don't. My kids, like mostly everyone else's, are entrusted to the care of teachers, leaders, coaches at school and in music, sports, and church activities. My kids, like mostly everyone else's - like most adults, for that matter - can have different dispositions and roles and show various sides of their personalities depending on the situation.

Some of our kids are quiet, but are also able to provide input and leadership in some settings; most of our kids are the opposite. We've raised some very opinionated and outspoken offspring. Home is the place where we identify character qualilties, strengthen the areas of weakness and practice using our gifts in helpful ways. Exploring and practicing at home prepares them for living 'out in the real world.'

How can I know how they are doing out there in the world when I'm not with them? I ask, and I'm not shy about it. Regular e-mail contact with teachers is a routine; conferences for some of the kids are a part of the schedule; checking in with Sunday School teachers, coaches, and activity leaders are just what we do. When the report is specifically positive or not positive that gives us something to rejoice over or work at while we are at home. Reinforcement is a great teacher and reward; recognizing progress in our kids brings joy to our family. Why is it that more families don't take advantage of this?

Often when we begin a new school year or activity with an adult leader with whom we have not worked previously, the reaction to my specific questions are met with ambiguity (of which I am not a fan), or with a generalization (as in, "well, they were ALL full of energy today.) The behavior of the class or group as a whole is not my concern, but rather the choices of my child to obey and respect. Understandably, it is not comfortable for the adult in authority to give a less than satisfactory report; who wants to tattle on the kid who called out in class, couldn't keep their hands to themselves, or disrespected authority?

So it takes a bit to build that relationship with the teacher, for him or her to realize that we seriously want to know the truth, that our intention is to follow up at home, to continue to teach (and yes, discipline - not a bad thing) at home where we can practice. The message of wanting to work as a team with that leader needs to be conveyed; that we as parents support the authority of that adult and we reinforce at home that our children are expected to respect all who are in authority over them. Our hope is that the people who have authority over the Heiseys will feel supported, encouraged and respected.

Having been on the other side as a coach and teacher of different kinds of groups for all kinds of kids, it is sometimes hard to understand that other parents don't ask specific questions. Perhaps their kids struggle less with making right choices. Or maybe it's just me.