Last week it happened again: a phone call sends me spinning. It seems that after twelve years my reaction hasn't changed - excitement, concern, anxiety, mental gymnastics thinking through bedroom configurations and the family schedule.
A newborn baby girl needed a place to stay for a few weeks while her adoption is finalized and all the interim homes were unavailable. Since we have six children under eighteen in our home, we are considered 'full.' Kind of crazy since we have an empty bedroom with room for two kids and the empty crib in the master bedroom that has become a fixture for the past five years. It would be so sweet to use that crib to hold more than blankets, pillows, and the kids' outgrown clothing that has yet to make it into the properly labelled bins in my closet. As a 'full' foster home, the best we can hope for is a waiver for which the state grants dispensation and allows more than six children to stay in our home. Over the years we've been fostering, it's happened at least five times for us, mostly in the case of siblings needing to be placed together.
After a day of waiting for a call back, and day dreaming about having a baby in our family over Christmas, and wondering what size clothing I should begin to gather, what kind of formula she would need, how many bottles to buy since it seems that my just-in-case supply must have been lent out or given away, thinking through the car seating arrangement to include an infant seat (especially given our Christmas day trip out to Grandma & Grandpa Heisey)... after a day like that, I called the next morning to leave a message to see if and when this little lady might arrive.
A few hours after my message, the agency worker called to tell me that they had found another arrangement which would not require a waiver. I was caught off guard by how much my heart dropped. There have been many times when we have been called about a placement and then not have it go through - different reasons, but I get the same feeling: feeling like we missed out on meeting someone special; like our family lost the chance to love on a child who is needing love; wondering what she or he looked like, acted like; concern that the child is safe; hoping that he or she will learn and grow, and missing that we are not getting a chance to be a part of that.
In this case I was glad that another positive placement was found and that the agency did not have to complete the extra paperwork for a waiver. Our agency does an excellent job of placing children and supporting them and the families, so the concern regarding her safety was dispelled; certainly this little girl will be in a loving foster home until she is placed with her forever family.
In this case my reaction was based soley on my personal disappointment - and that of some of my kids - of not having that baby girl with us for our own enjoyment. Not that our enjoyment is a negative thing; I believe that God has gifted our family to be able to love and enjoy the babies and children He has brought and will continue to bring to us.
So until the next phone call, I rest in the knowledge that God will place just the right child in our family at just the right time.
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