Music to my ears

What is more rewarding than watching your child struggle through and work at what at first seemed a goal too lofty, a bar set way too high?

Although Evan was never officially labeled with any disorder or condition, several teachers noted his bent toward distraction - and being a distraction, and his inability to focus. So Evan began violin lessons as a kindergartner with one goal in my mind: self-control. Learning and mastering an instrument, reading and appreciating music, or playing in the orchestra were secondary fringe benefits that might or might not occur.

Violin lessons in kindergarten, first grade, and second grade presented challenges, probably more for me than for Evan; as the at-home teacher I was often made out to be (and sometimes felt like) the bad guy. During those years, however, Evan began to respond to the school strings teacher in ways that were unexpected. Even with young students, this teacher set expectations that challenged the children to learn to pay attention, actively listen, and take responsibility. In a half-hour lesson Evan was able to stand still, stay quiet, focus on playing technique, and work with the group - and he began to be a musician.

This evening we attended the orchestra concert at Evan's school where he played in the school orchestra as well as in the Select String Ensemble for which he had to audition after being invited by the strings teacher - the same teacher who had dealt with Evan since those challenging days in kindergarten. Needless to say, I was surprised that he was asked to audition, surprised and proud that he passed the audition, and (I'll be totally honest here) a bit worried when the full responsibility of this privilege sank in. The Select Strings Ensemble has earned many honors: performing at national teacher's conferences and at Carnegie Hall, being recognized by Live at Lincoln Center, invitations to play in national competitions alongside high school orchestras.

I say all that to say this - the fact that Evan is a part of this prestigious group is a testament to a teacher who:

• believes in students and their ability
• respects students enough to expect them to rise to that ability
• treats students as musicians, not merely as kids playing music
• gives hard-earned praise and specific feedback
• teaches students to self-evaluate and be accountable.

Not only can Evan play beautifully - remember, that was considered a fringe benefit, but he has developed a solid sense of self-discipline (a work in progress!) and a great respect for this teacher. He wants to be the first one at orchestra practice every week so that he can help out even though it means being at school by 7:00, and he often asks if he can make and take in a special treat to share.

I was wrong, the goal was not too lofty, nor the bar too high; but my original goal of simply developing self-control did not do justice to my son's capabilities.