The back door of our home is very important. If you've ever gone out it you've seen one of the cornerstones of our family: our privilege/behavior indicator. Six different levels and six labeled clothespins are all it takes to know who is allowed, or not allowed, to be where and do what for the day.
The creation of it came about from a brainstorm as a result of desperation. A few months ago we were struggling with having the kids understand respect within the family: respect for property and the house that Daddy works hard to provide for us, so that jumping on (or off of) the sofa and slamming doors are seen as destructive; respect for time so that we are not waiting for someone to find his or her shoes, coat, book bag at the last minute; respect for personal space and property - that just because it's laying there and you want it, you can have or destroy it at will; respect for authority in that it is not to be argued with or questioned; respect for people in that we are gentle and honest as we deal with each other so that teasing and bossing is kept to a minimum. A mom can dream, can't she?!
With some input from the kids, we came up with the basic privileges in our family and ranked them in the hope that the kids would see the connection between responsibility and trust. Level 5 means you have all the rights and privileges afforded to a child in the Heisey home. At Level 4 you lose the right to use the computer and the Wii, and also are not allowed to play outside unless supervised. Level 3 means you cannot play in the downstairs playroom or watch television. Level 2 requires a person to find entertainment with games, play dough, puzzles, or craft projects while stationed at the kitchen table, and also on Level 1, but then you are permitted to only read or color and draw with pencils or crayons. On Level 0, a child needs to be on his or her bed and may chose to read the Bible. Each child has a clothespin with their name on it and so their position on the privilege chart is easily changed.
Honesty is a big deal here, and so if a child is deceitful (including lying, stealing, sneaking)that clothespin automatically goes to zero. For lesser offenses - disobedience, defiance, teasing, provoking - a warning is usually given followed by moving the clothespin down a level if the warning is not heeded. Each morning each clothespin below level five is moved up one level which gives the child motivation to continue to improve their behavior.
We have one child that is challenged by honesty; for some reason it seems easier to tell lies to cover deceit. So for the past six weeks this clothespin has hovered around level zero - a very sad state. Often this child made comments about wanting to do other things, and complained that I was to blame for the boredom and unfairness of it all. We just stuck it out.
In those same weeks we have had another child struggle through the idea of respect for other people's feelings. It seemed okay to this child to tease and joke, even when it was obvious that the siblings did not appreciate the attempt at humor. That clothespin bounced between levels three and four for a while.
Defiance is the name of the game for our littlest one. Boy does she know how to get the digs in! Sometimes there's not but a few seconds between a warning and the loss of privileges for her. But she gets it quicker than some of the others and has shown improvement in self-control and how quickly she can catch and change her attitude.
All this to say that yesterday, for the first time in a LONG time, all six clothespins were jammed together at the top of the chart on level 5. Last night we enjoyed decorating Christmas cookies while watching Christmas specials on television - all of us, altogether. Rejoicing!
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