Please Don't Understand

A few weeks ago the principal from the elementary school called to report an incident involving one of the kids. Another parent confronted my child as the buses were unloading, and a staff member saw and heard the interaction. This other mother was telling my child to stop bothering and "bullying" her little girls. The principal did not think that was my child's intention and handled the situation.

One of our children is not permitted to be out of our sight; this is for safety as well as for discipline (and by that I mean teaching, not punishing) purposes. It's not always convenient or fun to live life this way, but we have found it best - at least for this season.

Even though "other kids" get to go trick-or-treating, buy costumes, participate in the school parade and classroom parties, our kids do not. It's a family decision that was made before some of them were even on the scene, so no, it's not something with which they particularly agree. However, it has been a good springboard for some interesting discussions.

Several of our children struggle with boundaries, so we have guidelines in our home to provide support: only go into your own room, hands to yourself, certain children should not be next to each other while laying on the floor watching t.v.; if problems arise the perpetrators are quickly sent their bedrooms to be alone where there are less boundaries with which to contend. If we are not at home, these boundaries and consequences are enforced in sometimes creative and strange ways.

With anger can sometimes come a lack of self-control over actions and words. To help our kids understand that our words and actions ALWAYS matter - even in a fit of rage - we listen closely, encourage restraint, and follow through even when the result feels rather harsh.

We have been blessed with many, many supportive friends. Most of them (if they answered honestly!) would admit that they have noticed things - at one time or another, not necessarily all the time - regarding our family that raise questions: why are our limits so tight? why are the consequences so hard? why are our kids always on time-out? why am I in constant communication with teachers? why don't our kids have more freedom? And those are all very valid questions, because when I sit and look at us from the outside, those are questions I have; questions that make me question myself and our parenting choices.
 
To the general public, those who see us - or fractions of us - in the grocery store, at restaurants, at the park, the doctor's office, at school, yes, even at church... we appear as a true oddity at times. And then if we should happen to have some sort of behavior flare-up, well, we've turned our share of heads.

Sometimes I want to say to those who get to stand by and watch, "This is us. This is our life. Please don't try to give advice (not right now anyway, maybe later.) We are doing the best we can. And please don't feel the need to understand us. We just need you to love us the way we are."