A Letter

Dear Birth Mom,

While I have every intention of writing this letter as a means of encouragement, there is every possibility that my own raw emotions will be obvious and so the affect may be less encouraging than I hope.

The fact of this matter is that we are on the same team, the same side, advocating for the welfare of the same little one. Why is it then that you feel it necessary to fight against the very individuals who are trying to untangle this complicated, messy story?

Look, I'm a mom, too. And if my children were removed from my care, I can only think that I would jump through every single hoop put in front of me. I'd probably be begging for the next hoop, preparing to jump, getting my act together.

It is difficult to understand your priorities. You say that you care for this child, that you want this child returned to you, yet you refuse to work with those who have the power to make it happen. Phone calls are not returned, questions are left unanswered, threats are made, complaints are lobbied, meetings go unattended. Besides showing up for scheduled visits, what have you done that has been required of you?

And beyond the things left undone, time is instead spent creating issues and drama where there really is none. Accusing me of not caring for your baby is an uncalled-for insult. By remarking that your baby's head is flat in back because "they probably never pick him up" or that the dry skin on his face (which the pediatrician has confirmed is dry skin on his face) "looks like he's been burned", you are essentially assuming that we care little for this child. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Despite your estimation of this white momma - who has cared for and even raised a non-white baby or two - your baby's hair and skin are being well-cared for with the proper lotions and conditioners. Not too many baths, regular fingernail and toenail trimming, hair care and combing are all part of the routine.

Have you ever commented about how he hasn't come to a visit with any broken bones? Seriously, you are concerned about a skin rash when he has sustained head trauma? When does the nonsense end?

Apparently not yet because now, even though you have done nothing toward meeting the goals set out for you by the case workers, visitation is increased. And somehow you are entitled to that. Somehow doing nothing is rewarded. Somehow you have the power to call the shots. And even when schedules are changed and twisted to accomodate this court-ordered demand, you have the audacity to complain and threaten (yet again) to involve your attorneys - not one, but two attorneys (why two? you need extra defense? defense from what? from the truth? would an innocent person need so much defense?)

Meanwhile, in case you haven't noticed, your baby continues to grow and develop into an amazing little person. Do you notice, or are you so busy fighting - fighting for what? fighting against who? - that you've missed it? Well, I'm not missing it; I am soaking in every smile and babble, enjoying every laugh and song, in awe at the incredible healing that God has done in his body.

Babies belong with their parents. I believe that - even in this case, I believe that. But I also believe that God calls parents to a very high standard - at the very least to keep their babies safe. And since we've lived through the horror of losing a child (who was old enough to speak for herself) who was entrusted into the care and safety of her birth mom, this issue strikes a deep chord in my heart.

So until the time comes for you to be charged with that privilege, I am very pleased to be the stand-in mommy for your little one and I promise to do my very best to care for him the way you would care for him yourself.

Even though the tone of this letter may not give the impression of support, please know that my support is here for you, if only you would allow us to be on the same team.

Sincerely,
Foster Mom