My Pleasure

Our littlest left for a family visit last Wednesday. On Saturday I answered a phone call from the County Department of Children and Youth Services. A report had been made alleging that I had harmed Our Littlest. In between sighs and eye rolls, and then some nervous laughter, I explained that OT had not been in my care for the past three days and that when I dropped him off on Wednesday he had a scab on his elbow. After a bit more conversation the worker discovered that she would not be able to investigate the case because our agency contracts with her agency and so a 'conflict of interest' comes into question. The worker thanked me for my time and said she would pass the report back to be given to the regional state office for investigation.

I hopefully waited for a call from that agency, but no call came that evening. Or the next day.

While I was waiting for that phone call, another call came through on Sunday morning. Our agency was told that OT could not return to our home following his visit later on Sunday, but would have to go to a respite foster home for the duration of the investigation. An investigation which as I far as I knew hadn't even begun.

Crazy. OT was being disrupted due to false allegations that hadn't been addressed yet.

Thankfully he was able to go to another family where we knew he would be safe and well cared for.

Finally at mid-day on Monday the investigative worker called and scheduled to come to our home on Tuesday - the day of the predicted epic snowstorm. On Tuesday he scheduled to come on Thursday. Then on Thursday, since he hadn't yet been able to dig out his car, he scheduled to come on Friday. That is tomorrow.

Since this was our third conversation, I felt comfortable enough to keep him on the phone with some questions.

Had he seen OT?  - Yes, on Sunday.

Was OT okay? -  Yes, in the situation in which I saw him.

How long would it take to complete the investigation?  - I have sixty days to complete it.

You realize that that is ridiculous since everyone knows the allegations are false?  - That is how long I have. When I get a case that appears to be simple to close, I work on it first to get it off of my desk.

His last statement gave me some hope.

I hadn't planned to stop and write until the investigation is over.

I had thought that this time would be different since I know how ridiculous the allegations are this time around. The report did not match the actual situation. The child had a scab.

This parent is desperate to have their children. This parent does not like me because I am the wrong color. This parent was seeking revenge for an action by the agency. This parent seems to think that if the foster parent can be seen as unfit, then a judge will send the child back to the birth parent.

Meanwhile OT is probably wondering why he is not home. He might be scared or confused. This situation definitely works against the stability and consistency we are trying to build and maintain in his little life. How is this parent demonstrating the capacity to be a good parent?   A stable parent? A loving, compassionate parent?

I have gone out of my way to be in communication with the agency and OT's attorney every day. Just so they don't forget I'm here... and he's not. Just so someone in this big, overworked, under-staffed system remembers that there are actual children involved and foster parents who lose sleep over them.

The silence from the placing agency is astounding. Just as it's been for the past year of this placement. Case workers have changed three times, with the most recent being right before this incident. This newest worker seems to understand after just a week that something is seriously wrong with this case. She asked me, "Who gave the birth parent all this power? Whatever they want they get? Why are there these unsupervised weekend visits? Who is following up?" My answer, "Your agency."

The agency has allowed this parent to bully their workers - calling the emergency number every weekend multiple times, texting a worker up to fifty times a week, complaining to the workers about how I cut OT's hair (which I haven't cut, ever) and other trivial - and usually untrue - matters.The foster parents have also been bullied; OT has a sister with another foster family - we've been told to wait thirty to forty-five minutes to meet for a visit, we've been yelled at and degraded. When we asked to have an agency worker available at the visit transfers, we've been denied. This parent gets to say and do whatever they want with no accountability.

And now this. Now my character and parenting are being called into question by this person. Now OT's life is in confusion. Now another foster family - who was given little information - is being expected to step into this mess. 

Yesterday I sent an email to the case worker, the supervisor, the supervisor's supervisor, and the person above that. In it I stated that this case has not been managed well and that this birth parent has been given permission to wield all sorts of crazy power, now manifested in these lies of a child abuse report against me. I requested that OT quickly be returned to our home and that going forward unquestionable boundaries would be in place to ensure the stability of these children and the safety of the foster families.

I ended by saying that it is our pleasure to continue to care for OT. And it is. In the waiting and frustration and disrespect and questioning and scariness and uncertainty... it is my pleasure.