Riding a Rocket

One of my facebook friends recently posted: If life is a roller coaster, then life with kids is an amusement park. Quite accurate, I think.  And may I add: Life with special kids with various needs is an amusement park on a rocket to outer space. Hold on, folks.

 

We, LB's parents, went to the school district at the end of last year and respectfully requested that he repeat sixth grade to give him every opportunity to experience success and to build up some confidence. Since he's small for his age and new to the school, we thought that he might be spared some of the typical stigma of being "held back." The district in all their wisdom (yes, the italics denote sarcasm) decided that promoting LB would be best.

 

After a few more meetings, we agreed to disagree with the clear expectation that the district was responsible for helping LB to succeed in middle school. And school started in September.

 

Fast forward a full marking period. Today I received an email from LB's case manager (the teacher responsible for the implementation of and the compliance with the Individualized Educational Plan - IEP) - who incidentally does not have LB for any classes and, by her own admission, really "doesn't know him at all," informing us that he is struggling to complete assignments for at least two classes and asking us what we want to do about it. Really?? What do WE want to do about it??

 

This particular teacher who is responsible for writing and implementing the IEP is also out of compliance as LB hasn't had a current IEP on file for the past week-plus. Today I also sent an email to the supervisor of special education inquiring about when we might expect to receive the updated IEP and Notice of Recommended Educational Placement (NOREP.) The response was a kick-back to the teacher and a statement that we "should receive it in a few days." Unacceptable.

Below is my response to LB's case manager and teachers. One (or what I hope will be, but I'm sure is not) last-ditch effort to advocate for our son.
 

 

 "Hello teachers,

Thank you all for doing what you do every day. On behalf of many parents, I thank you for doing a great job.

 

LB struggles. LB has every reason and right to struggle. In ten years of life he endured more trauma than most of us will endure in our lifetimes. He does not care about himself because no one ever cared about him; no one respected him as a person; no one modeled responsibility or accountability.

These are not excuses, these are the hard facts of my son's life. The trauma that he has walked though and the effects of it are not going to leave him or get better just because he has been removed from that unthinkable situation. Unfortunately, for the most part, the educators that we have worked with so far don't seem to "get it." I am pleading with you to try to understand.

 

LB is smart; he is undoubtedly very intelligent. He wants to do well. Those are also facts. But those facts are overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of suffering that he has endured and the amount of energy and work it takes for him to function each day.

 

Last year, as LB's parents, we strongly voiced our opinion that it would be best for him to repeat the sixth grade. In one year's time he had lived in three different homes and attended three different schools. He struggled to complete assignments last year. He struggled to understand social situations and authority. We just wanted him to have the best chance at success and thought that that might happen for him if he were to give sixth grade another try.

After several meetings, our request was denied and LB was promoted to seventh grade. We are not new to [this school] and know that it's a great school. The issue was not with the school, but rather with giving LB every opportunity to shine, to develop confidence, to feel good about himself - things that he's not experienced.

 

When the district decided it was best for LB to move on to seventh grade, we very clearly stated that we were in disagreement and that we expected the district to do everything necessary to help him succeed. Success being defined as: being able to operate and function in academic and social situations in ways commensurate with his peers; achieving passing grades; respecting authority and being a good citizen.

 

To date there have been no behavior issues that have been brought to our attention; we've received reports that LB is polite and participates in class. LB says he has friends, but does not mention any by name. LB earned two D's on his first marking period report card. There have been occasions when LB has been passively disrespectful to the authority of his teachers by lying about incomplete homework, or not bringing materials to class simply because "he didn't want to."

 

Given what we perceive to be happening, this is not a glowing success story and is less than we had hoped for, but sadly about what we expected, for our son in seventh grade.

 

All the above information is in response to [the case manager's] message to me informing us that "LB’s teachers have noticed a decrease in engagement the last couple of weeks." And that "assignment completion for reading and English has become an ongoing challenge." These statements do not surprise me, in fact, I am surprised that it has taken until this point in the school year for these things to become apparent. Kudos to my guy for trying to stick it out.

[The case manager] is also correct in that we "are allowing natural consequences to occur and feel that they are important learning experiences," because, frankly, what else are we supposed to do? We asked for what we deemed best for our child, the district disagreed. We were clear in our expectations of the district, and now it falls to the district to follow through.

 

We are not here to be adversaries and we certainly still want what is best for LB. And just so you know, "natural consequences" for us look like this: If LB does not complete his homework for whatever reason (didn't bring home materials, forgot to write it down, just doesn't want to) he is camped out at the kitchen table until the homework is complete - no going outside, no electronics, and that could be until bedtime if he so chooses. And that's about as much as we can do.

Whatever needs to happen at school to help our son succeed is now on the shoulders of you educators. We are willing to talk, to meet, to work together however we can to take care of our son. And by the way, LB legally became our son on October 28, and we couldn't be more blessed.

 

Thanks for your time and attention."