Dreams

Next week is a court date for Mister D. It's been seven months and so much has changed, and yet so little has changed.

MD was placed with us in February because he had missed more than fifty days of school so far in the school year, and because although his case had been taken to truancy hearings, his mother did not appear to explain his absences.

Upon registering for and beginning school here, and then being tested for appropriate class placement, it became obvious that MD had missed way more than just fifty days of school. Assigned to the fifth grade, MD could not identify all the letters of the alphabet and did not know what a subtraction sign was. In an effort to provide learning support services for learning disablilities, the school - through thorough testing - instead ruled out all disabilities and rather settled upon the conclusion that MD's severe learning deficient was the result of a lack of school attendance.

Education was not all that MD lacked; he had had very limited exposure to life in general. He could not tell time or know how to use a calendar; didn't know how many days were in a week. The concept of three meals a day at routine times was foreign, and not having the television on non-stop was culture shock. Short trips to the grocery store became full-fledged field trips as we pointed out signs, and stores, and prices, and products. Questions like: "Are you scared to drive in the dark?" - "Who taught you to read?" - "How far is it to California?" - "Will we go to school tomorrow?"  were on-going, which was a wonderful glimpse into how curious he really was; but also sad as we realized how much he had missed.

When we reserved a house in Ocean City for week this summer and told the kids about it, MD's questions were: "How deep is the ocean?" - "Can we swim in it?" - "Can you see the end of it?" - "Will there be a diving board into the ocean?"  These sorts of conversations continued and more were added when we showed him a youtube video of the ocean; he hadn't realized there would be waves.

When we arrived at our ocean house, walked down to the beach, and stood with our feet in the waves, he looked at me with a huge grin spreading across his face and said, "Ms. D, all this time we've been talking about the ocean and now our dream has come true." And all that I could say was, "Yeah, buddy, our dream come true."

What a precious week that was - watching him swim in the ocean, jump the waves, get buried by and bury the other kids in the sand, shop on the boardwalk, chase seagulls - full of firsts for him.

These past seven months have been filled with revelations for MD. He has a best buddy within walking distance of our house and has earned our trust to be able to be very independent; on the playground he is revered and well-liked for his basketball skills and friendly, gentle manner; teachers continue to find creative ways to help him close the gap (despite not having an IEP, MD receives all sorts of special help) because they see a student who is willing to work and eager to learn. It seems that the little bit of care and attention MD receives is multiplied in his efforts to grow and take advantage of these opportunities.

All the while, MD has a family who loves him and wants him to come back home. And when asked, MD will tell us that he wants to go home, but he also wants to be able to go to school here. He understands that that cannot happen, but also that it is fully out of his control, that his mother's efforts - or lack thereof - will control the outcome.

His mother's efforts have been minimal. From the beginning, visits for MD and his mother have been on-going, but she has not been consistent; it's been over a month since she's seen him. There are other concerns which case workers need to address, but find nearly impossible since it is rare to be able to contact his mother by phone.

On Monday, the judge will probably decide that MD needs to remain here with us; it is doubtful that his mother will even attend the court hearing. That will give us three more months of life with MD, three more months of speaking love and care into his life, of teachers and friends encouraging and nurturing him, of exposure to life and all it has to offer.

But it will also be three more months of wondering - will his mother show up? does she really care about him and his dreams?