Stepping Out

It's been just over three weeks since LB came into our family. It took only one of those weeks for him to commandeer a large place in my heart; probably due to the the lack of a 'honeymoon period'  which required intense and intentional encouragement and discipline from the start.

When the case worker scheduled a visit for Monday, with anticipated news of prospective adoptive families, my heart began to ache. After twenty days of life with LB, it became difficult to imagine life without him; and then I realized that perhaps that wouldn't have to be, and mentioned as much to Stan. He however had not experienced similar thoughts and feelings and, I think, was rather blind-sided by my suggestion that we ask to be considered an adoptive resource for LB.

Respecting his well-thought-out perspective (as compared to my let's-just-take-everyone-in method), I refrained from making any sort of commitment to the case worker. Her visit centered around information about a potential adoptive family - their location, ages, interests and hobbies; it sounded like a wonderful match for LB. Then the case worker said, "There is one issue on which we need some clarification, and then we need the county to approve the family."

Those comments coupled with a conversation I had with LB a few days later, that went something like this:

Him: Ms. D, we'll have to drive two cars to get to Ocean City.

Me: Yes, anytime we have more than nine people in our family we have to drive two cars

       to go places together.

Him: Well, I think I'm going to be here until the end of the year.

Me: What makes you think that? You know that the case workers are working on finding a

       nice, safe place for you.

Him: I don't want to go.

Me: What if they tell you they found a great family who is really nice and really wants you
       to come and live with them.

Him: I'd tell them, no.

Me: Well, you'd have to say more than, no.

Him: I'd tell them that I want to stay here because I really like you guys.

Me: I really like you, too.

gave me the courage to approach Stan again about the idea of offering to adopt LB.    

This time the conversation quickly became more about the logistics of permanently adding another child to our family - finding another dresser, financing for purchasing a larger vehicle, tracking down school records for registration. My main arguments (not because we were arguing, but because we both deeply respect the strength of each other's perspective) centered around saving LB the potential heart-ache of being moved around again (and again...), how well he had responded to the expectations and structure of our home, and how well he interacted with our other seven kids. Stan and I agreed that the logistics were something that could be - that have always been - worked out.

This morning I contacted our agency case worker as well as the county case worker to let them know that we are committed to LB and to adopting him as our son, fully understanding that another family could be chosen to fulfill that honor.

This decision was not easy; anxious thoughts crossed my mind many times in the past few days. In the end though, there really was not much of a decision to make. A child needs a home, he is already living and thriving in our home, this is his home.