Today was to be the day that the parental rights of OT's birth father were to be terminated. That is not going to happen. Yesterday we found out that the hearing has been rescheduled for October 10. And it hasn't been rescheduled as a termination hearing but as a status review, which means that nothing of legal consequence will occur; the facts of the case will be stated and the judge will get an up-date from all attorneys and then will set a date for a termination hearing. That date could be set for a month or more after the October 10 hearing.
This is why I am cranky.
Foster families - friends of mine - have been waiting for the better part of a year for adoption paperwork to be completed and filed so that a petition can be made to the court for finalization dates. These families have inquired about the progress of the process - because as far as they know they have completed and returned everything they were responsible for - and receive no answers. Instead, blame is shifted between agencies.
This is why I am cranky.
Families caring for kids with challenging behaviors need support. All of our friends who are foster families have wonderful support systems and are a part of a great group of fellow foster families, but also need to rely on the professionals to access needed services. For one particular family, after months of reporting difficult behaviors and challenging circumstances, little to no support has been offered by the professionals. Meanwhile, this family continues to struggle to maintain the placement out of concern for the child. Only when the situation escalated to crisis-level did the professionals get involved. And then proceeded to blame the foster family for allowing the situation to become a problem.
This is why I am cranky.
When the professionals elicit feedback and input, and seemingly hear and respect the perspective of foster parents, and then no apparent improvements are made; and instead of clear and honest communication there are excuses and insults... And then we are implored to go out of recruit our friends to do this.
This is why I am cranky.
The system is broken. I am a part of the system. I am irritated - by the bigness of the system and littleness of the funding; by the lack of training because case worker turn-over is so high; by too much to do in too little time; by the smallness of my voice even though I desire to advocate in huge ways; by my own crankiness.
These past few weeks have set me to considering and reconsidering if we are done fostering. Maybe I'm tapped out. Maybe we've got enough going on here.
Or maybe I just need to get over myself. Maybe I've gotten a little too big-headed and small-minded. My focus has shifted from the day-to-day care of the children in my home to big picture problems.
So we have decided to take a bit of a break. With OT on his way to his new family - even with all of birth dad's shenanigans - there is a natural breather before we open our home to more children. Perhaps this breather will alleviate the crankiness and allow for clear thinking to move ahead.
Thanks for sharing, we all need to see we are not alone. NM
ReplyDeleteOhhhh, these are good honest words. I feel this... in a different way, of course...but still. Thanks for the language that puts many of my feelings and irritations into words. Sometimes it just helps to feel validated. Lack of training, constant turnover, lack of funding, words without action, big unending process....I have been praying that God would also help me focus on what MY job is each day because right now the pain of this broken world looks so big and I feel like a deer �� in headlights confused where to run first. But we know, don't we....? We run to our Father. ❤️
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