Always Prepared

All parents have seasons and situations that are more mind-boggling and confounding than others; at least, I hope I'm not the only one.

We've had children in our home with some unique and quirky habits; learned behaviors that required un-learning. The seven-year old who had yet to be fully toilet-taught sticks out in my head. While we struggled through that - trying all sorts of consequences, rewards, natural consequences - it became apparent three years later that we endured that situation so that we would be prepared for one of our permanent kids to face the very same issue. Since the second child was younger and required more time, energy, and patience it was so good of God to have us "practice" on the older child first.

One of our permanent kids prepared us for a little boy of four years old with an extremely strong will and boundless energy. If not for the preparation of the first child, the second would have suffered (not physically in any way, of course) needlessly as I would have fumbled my way through knock-down, drag-out arguments with a pre-schooler. Gratefully, by the time oppositional child number two arrived, I had learned not to lose to pip-squeaks, but also to carefully choose those small (but HUGE) childhood battles.

And God is faithful, he has provided us with a daughter who is gifted with dramatic flair which has obviously prepared me well for our current placement of our LS. At less than a week in, LS has been "upset" by a bumped head, a hurt finger, being hungry, and not getting to eat cookies whenever she likes.

With a new placement comes a new soft spot in my heart; this child has come from or through some sort of trauma and deserves to have an easy go of things - at least for a bit. Dealing with her "upset" tugs at my heartstrings - I just want life to be fair for her, to be able to fix whatever is wrong.

That is my heart. My head knows differently - that swooping in to fix it all and make it all right will not serve her well in the long run. We've all heard it before: children need - thrive with, even - consistency. What my head rationalizes as consistency, my heart often feels is harsh.

We had an opportunity to put it to the test today. Lunchtime was just me and LS and left-overs.

Opportunity number one: LS wanted a sandwich, not left-overs - which was a pasta casserole (think spagetti for supper, but all mixed together and baked with gooey cheese on top) that we had for her first dinner with our family and of which she polished off two servings with gusto. While I ignored her pleas for a sandwich and heated up the casserole, I asked her if she'd rather have a piece of candy or a cookie after we finished our lunch. This sort of distraction technique works well for the younger set; thankfully it did in this case and she chose to have a cookie, which we set out on a napkin on the counter for "later."

Opportunity number two: Round about the fifth spoonful, LS came across a piece of chopped green pepper. After asking about and getting an answer as to it's identity, she decided that she could not eat any more of her lunch. No comment from me, so she told me again how disgusting peppers are, that there weren't any peppers in the sauce on Monday, and that they tasted bad. My casserole tasted just fine, better perhaps, as left-overs, so I continued on with my lunch.

Opportunity number three: When I had finished eating and cleared away my plate, LS followed suit. Then she sat down again and asked (with a sweet little voice and a "please" on the end) for her cookie. Oh no, she didn't realize she had left herself wide open for the dreaded if-you-are-too-full-to-finish-your-lunch-then-you-are-too-full-for-dessert speech. She gave the distinct impression (pouty lip, forced tears down her cheeks, loud and louder wailing) that she didn't like my response. Thankful that I have had much practice with this exact circumstance I said, "Oh, my kids like to sometimes make that noise, too. And they can do it as loud and as long as they want... in their bedrooms. Good thing you have a bedroom, so you can go ahead and make those noises as much as you want."

Years of repetition must be paying off; she trotted off to her bedroom - tantrum and all. Because she and I are both new to this, I watched the clock for the five-minute mark so that I could go comfort, calm, and discuss with her. LS beat me to it - after three minutes (a world record in our house!) she was back downstairs with her face and attitude straightened out. Waiting to see if it would stick - and it did - we sat down a bit later to read a book, she curled right up on my lap.

This will not be the last or greatest challenge with LS. I only know that because God has prepared me for so much more - I almost shudder at what lies ahead!