Walk the Talk

The tears seem endless, the pain is bottomless, my mind won't stop spinning; there are no answers.

So now I am made to live by the words written only two days ago - was it only two days? how can so much have changed in two days? - "he's not mine anyway."

I trust that those words came to me from God, without a doubt, no question about it. He knew those were the words I would need to live by, the awful, terrible, difficult words I needed to ponder, try out, roll around in my head. Words I was reminded of several times yesterday: listening to the radio and the announcer said, "remember that nothing is going to happen today that you and God together can't handle."

God is handling this:

Baby H has been moved to another Bethany foster home, not to family members as was birth mom's goal through the court hearing.

The foster mother has already reached out to me via e-mail regarding some of the details of caring for the baby.

The same Bethany foster care case worker will remain on the case. Birth mom's attorneys went so far as to request that he be placed with another agency and tried to blame the case worker for Baby H's mistreatment while in our home.

My mom and dad were able to be here while the move took place; to say good-bye to Baby H, and to give much needed support and love.

We have been inundated with encouragement, support, and love from SO MANY friends. Each message, text, phone call, prayer that is offered is so precious. And God has spoken from many people from various perspectives: birth parent of a child we cared for briefly, former foster care workers, fellow foster moms and dads who have lived though heart-break, moms of special needs children who deal with broken systems, long-time friends, new friends, people who just loved Baby H to pieces.

About 15 minutes after the case worker left with the little guy, the phone rang and I checked caller ID and didn't recognize the number. After hesitating to pick it up, I answered the call and it was our pastor. He said he had just received our Christmas card that day and was impressed to call and thank me. He went on to say, "I know this probably isn't a good time because you are probably eating dinner..." I lost it. I explained that yes, it wasn't a good time and went on to tell a short, sobbed-though version of what had just happened. He had no idea of what our afternoon had been like. We both understood that God had prompted him to call just then.

And God will continue to handle this. He will help our family wade through our emotions and feelings of loss. He will protect Baby H, more than that, he will continue the miracle he has begun in that baby's life. He will provide the new foster family with everything they need. He will strengthen the case workers who are handling this confusing mess of a case. He will use this situation as he does everything - he will use it for his glory.

He will help me to walk the talk - live the words he gave me.